My reflections are late this month because I have not been in the reflecting mood. I barely have the emotional or mental energy to start my car and drive to work each morning, let alone synthesize a weird choppy month of reflections. As I spoke about in my Retrospective Self Reflection, quality reflections require time to stew before they are ready to be served. I cannot reflect in a hurry. Strieb truly speaks to my beliefs on the purpose of reflective teaching when she says “As I teach, I wonder how my thinking and my students’ thinking evolve over time. I wonder what I have valued and what the children are interested in and value. Lesson plans don’t tell me this, but the journal does. My journal is a place for planning, for raising questions, for figuring things out, and for thinking” (Cochran-Smith and Lytle, 1993, p.122). This is exactly how I like to approach my reflective practice and find it valuable for the same reasons she lists. Of course reflecting on the recorded events is the most essential part of the process, however I am learning that in my case, this is most successfully done organically, when the time is right and when the reflections are calling out "synthesize me! Think about me! Write about me!" This call might not occur on an arbitrarily set date such as the end of a calendar month. In my experience, many of the events I regularly reflect on have not necessarily run their full cycle from the beginning and end of a month. Would a good farmer harvest her crop before it has ripened just because someone puts "harvest day" on a calendar? How valuable is a harvest of partially ripened produce? A farmer with integrity who sees her product as an extension of herself would be grieved to let such a harvest hit the stalls and represent her. I feel similarly about my own carefully crafted reflections.
I don't think I am writing all of this to complain, but to get my pencil moving (so to speak). In terms of my practice, articulating these feelings helps me think about whether or not I am offering my students the same respect and space that I require as a learner. Sometimes, yes, but other times, not so much. I think it was just today that a student was agonizing over her participation in a group discussion about a folktale. The "questioner" in the group was doing her job of asking this student what she would like to add to the conversation, and her repeated and tortured response was "I don't knowwww!" We tried reasoning with her; they are your thoughts, there is no right or wrong here, we just want to know what you are thinking. "I don't KNOWWWWW what I'm thinking." We tried being more specific; are you forming any text to text connections here? [with tears] "I don't knoooooowwwww!" Would you be surprised to learn that at the end of this activity, this student refused to fill out her self-assessment on how she thought the engagement went? On the paper where she should circle one of three smiley faces in various stages of smiling and frowning, a group member had circled all of the faces and added the note, "she doesn't know." Thinking can be that way sometimes, as I know only too well.
In terms of highs, I saw a lot of success in the various strategies I have implemented from Strategies That Work. I've learned that my students, particularly the ones more towards the emerging stages in their literacy development, are hungry for these strategies. Starving, even. Three girls in particular I have been working with to get onto grade level with their reading have been soaking up these mini-lessons in ernest. It is absolutely amazing to me when I think aloud and model a strategy ONE TIME, even in passing as I help a student sound out an unknown word, and then see that student independently using the strategy not long after. For instance, Harvey and Goudvis talk about "making tracks" of our thinking as we read. They say, “these written tracks help the reader monitor comprehension and enhance understanding. They also provide clues to the teacher about a reader’s thinking, evidence that is difficult to ascertain without some form of oral or written response” (Harvey and Goudvis, 2007, p.28). Ever since this mini-lesson, I have been finding "tracks" wherever I open books from our class library.
As far as "lows" go, I am really moving away from thinking of them as lows. In fact, I don't find splitting the day into a high and a low to be that meaningful because oftentimes the event that gives you the most pause to reflect is between high and low. Remember That One Student from my last TIP? I think things might be getting better with him. At least I think I am learning how to communicate with him a little bit more effectively, and hopefully reducing this gulf between us that has been building. Many of Becky Bailey's words have aided me to getting to this point, such as "if you choose to attribute a positive intent, you will feel peaceful inside. If you choose to attribute a negative intent, you will feel inadequate yourself and bring less patience to your handling of the conflict" (Bailey, 2000, p.162). I think I had this at heart when I helped 4 students work through a conflict during a math game. It's actually a math game I learned from our Teaching Mathematics class, where students use playing cards, placing them on their foreheads and having a third student tell them the total value, then racing to see who can guess their own card first. Conflict broke out amongst a group of 4 involving some Usual Suspects including the aforementioned student. A girl was in tears because she felt her turn had been skipped. What I was able to have them break down and explain was that she had let someone new who arrived have her turn, but had expected to then be looped back in. However, her voice was drowned out by That Student, who didn't fully understand what she had been offering and thought she was trying to get an extra turn. Rather than assume that he was trying to be a jerk and skip her turn on purpose, I assumed positive intent: that he wanted to keep the game moving along fairly and had misunderstood the situation. Turns out, this approach eased the conflict resolution process. At the end, the student in tears even said “I’m sorry I was not clear, next time I will explain myself better”. Another student who gets very reactionary in conflict, managed to get his engine down after his side was heard, and offered a very sincere apology. The Student I'm Thinking A Lot About didn't exactly own up 100% or offer a sincere apology, but he did hear out his peers and let his side go for the sake of continuing the game, which is growth.
My continuing efforts in fostering a collaborative learning environment is fraught with its own share of highs and lows, successes and fails. One huge success from early in the month is the Chinese New Year culminating celebration. This is NOT Dr. K's "celebrations and fun" look at cultures she criticizes, but actually a 5 week unit that spanned grade levels, content areas, and incorporated communication and collaboration with Chinese students in Suzhou. I taught all the grade levels about Chinese language and culture and guided them in creating their own research topics about Chinese New Year and Chinese Culture. They approached it from angles of Social Studies, Language Arts, Music, Art, Corresponding with experts, asking questions, research, fiction, non fiction, mathematics... I could go on and on. While I almost had a mental breakdown and walked in front of a bus, I put together and executed a Chinese New Year luncheon and invited the community to see and share in the students' learning. There was even a Learning Museum, with comment cards such as the ones talked about in Ladybugs. They LOVED the comment cards, and my guys enjoyed being mentors to the younger students and writing encouraging words on their work.
My unit even got featured on the main display of our school to illustrate our integrated curriculum. It's still there as I type this! It feels pretty good to walk past that bad boy every day, and pushes me to ask "what next?"
This has been a hard stretch of road, and is still looking bumpy up ahead, but I do have to keep in mind that I have things to celebrate. I'm becoming the kind of teacher I want to be relationally, and firming up a real capacity for long-term experiential unit design. I'm pretty confident that when I can unleash all my energy on a single goal, amazing things are going to happen.
I don't think I am writing all of this to complain, but to get my pencil moving (so to speak). In terms of my practice, articulating these feelings helps me think about whether or not I am offering my students the same respect and space that I require as a learner. Sometimes, yes, but other times, not so much. I think it was just today that a student was agonizing over her participation in a group discussion about a folktale. The "questioner" in the group was doing her job of asking this student what she would like to add to the conversation, and her repeated and tortured response was "I don't knowwww!" We tried reasoning with her; they are your thoughts, there is no right or wrong here, we just want to know what you are thinking. "I don't KNOWWWWW what I'm thinking." We tried being more specific; are you forming any text to text connections here? [with tears] "I don't knoooooowwwww!" Would you be surprised to learn that at the end of this activity, this student refused to fill out her self-assessment on how she thought the engagement went? On the paper where she should circle one of three smiley faces in various stages of smiling and frowning, a group member had circled all of the faces and added the note, "she doesn't know." Thinking can be that way sometimes, as I know only too well.
In terms of highs, I saw a lot of success in the various strategies I have implemented from Strategies That Work. I've learned that my students, particularly the ones more towards the emerging stages in their literacy development, are hungry for these strategies. Starving, even. Three girls in particular I have been working with to get onto grade level with their reading have been soaking up these mini-lessons in ernest. It is absolutely amazing to me when I think aloud and model a strategy ONE TIME, even in passing as I help a student sound out an unknown word, and then see that student independently using the strategy not long after. For instance, Harvey and Goudvis talk about "making tracks" of our thinking as we read. They say, “these written tracks help the reader monitor comprehension and enhance understanding. They also provide clues to the teacher about a reader’s thinking, evidence that is difficult to ascertain without some form of oral or written response” (Harvey and Goudvis, 2007, p.28). Ever since this mini-lesson, I have been finding "tracks" wherever I open books from our class library.
As far as "lows" go, I am really moving away from thinking of them as lows. In fact, I don't find splitting the day into a high and a low to be that meaningful because oftentimes the event that gives you the most pause to reflect is between high and low. Remember That One Student from my last TIP? I think things might be getting better with him. At least I think I am learning how to communicate with him a little bit more effectively, and hopefully reducing this gulf between us that has been building. Many of Becky Bailey's words have aided me to getting to this point, such as "if you choose to attribute a positive intent, you will feel peaceful inside. If you choose to attribute a negative intent, you will feel inadequate yourself and bring less patience to your handling of the conflict" (Bailey, 2000, p.162). I think I had this at heart when I helped 4 students work through a conflict during a math game. It's actually a math game I learned from our Teaching Mathematics class, where students use playing cards, placing them on their foreheads and having a third student tell them the total value, then racing to see who can guess their own card first. Conflict broke out amongst a group of 4 involving some Usual Suspects including the aforementioned student. A girl was in tears because she felt her turn had been skipped. What I was able to have them break down and explain was that she had let someone new who arrived have her turn, but had expected to then be looped back in. However, her voice was drowned out by That Student, who didn't fully understand what she had been offering and thought she was trying to get an extra turn. Rather than assume that he was trying to be a jerk and skip her turn on purpose, I assumed positive intent: that he wanted to keep the game moving along fairly and had misunderstood the situation. Turns out, this approach eased the conflict resolution process. At the end, the student in tears even said “I’m sorry I was not clear, next time I will explain myself better”. Another student who gets very reactionary in conflict, managed to get his engine down after his side was heard, and offered a very sincere apology. The Student I'm Thinking A Lot About didn't exactly own up 100% or offer a sincere apology, but he did hear out his peers and let his side go for the sake of continuing the game, which is growth.
My continuing efforts in fostering a collaborative learning environment is fraught with its own share of highs and lows, successes and fails. One huge success from early in the month is the Chinese New Year culminating celebration. This is NOT Dr. K's "celebrations and fun" look at cultures she criticizes, but actually a 5 week unit that spanned grade levels, content areas, and incorporated communication and collaboration with Chinese students in Suzhou. I taught all the grade levels about Chinese language and culture and guided them in creating their own research topics about Chinese New Year and Chinese Culture. They approached it from angles of Social Studies, Language Arts, Music, Art, Corresponding with experts, asking questions, research, fiction, non fiction, mathematics... I could go on and on. While I almost had a mental breakdown and walked in front of a bus, I put together and executed a Chinese New Year luncheon and invited the community to see and share in the students' learning. There was even a Learning Museum, with comment cards such as the ones talked about in Ladybugs. They LOVED the comment cards, and my guys enjoyed being mentors to the younger students and writing encouraging words on their work.
This has been a hard stretch of road, and is still looking bumpy up ahead, but I do have to keep in mind that I have things to celebrate. I'm becoming the kind of teacher I want to be relationally, and firming up a real capacity for long-term experiential unit design. I'm pretty confident that when I can unleash all my energy on a single goal, amazing things are going to happen.
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